1 of 2 Ways

One – I wait and see what transpires

Living on Skype or a telephone wire

Two I let go and I regret

A boy that I had but I can’t forget

Either way I go, there’s gonna be scars

And try as I might, I can’t see that far

No matter what I do you’ll board that plane

There’s no way to avoid that pain

I knew the end of this story right from the start

And yet I couldn’t do a thing to protect my heart

I’m hoping he’ll return to me someday

Knowing this is gonna go one of two ways

One – I knew what I was getting into

Don’t ask why I really couldn’t tell you

Two – what’s done has already happened

Caused more trouble than I ever imagined

Either way I go, I'm against the wall

Letting go is right, but I'd lose it all

No matter what I do you’ll board that plane

There’s no way to avoid that pain

I knew the end of this story right from the start

And yet I couldn’t do a thing to protect my heart

I’m hoping he’ll return to me someday

Knowing this is gonna go one of two ways

I’m torn down the middle, do I wait for you?

Knowing there’s a chance before we’re through

Do I let go and look back someday?

Wishing I’d had you somehow, some way?

No matter what I do you’ll board that plane

There’s no way to avoid that pain

I knew the end of this story right from the start

And yet I couldn’t do a thing to protect my heart

I’m hoping he’ll return to me someday

Knowing this is gonna go one of two ways

I had the opportunity to stop myself... the moment he said, "This is not a good idea - I'm leaving next Summer no matter what." I knew what I was getting into. There was a split second where there was a choice to make... did I make the right one or the wrong one? Well - that's why this song was written... there is just no knowing where the journey will take us.

Free

I kept my soul held captive

While I was searching for the truth

Subconsciously, I tried

To place the blame on you

But the first slip was my own

And we never did bounce back

Once you open up the door

The demons relentlessly attack

Now I feel like forgiving

Is what I need to go on living

So tonight I set us free

I forgive both you and me

For the damage that was done

And the war that can’t be won

There’s no right and there’s no wrong

We hurt each other for too long

Our choices bring enormous fees

Until we set them free

There’s resentment on both sides

And they’re equally the same

And to argue for a victor

Would be to give in to the game

Anger comes at quite a price

And I no longer want to play

Even if I end up the good guy

In the end, you still can’t stay

I know you think I am unkind

But there’s no way to rewind

So tonight I set us free

I forgive both you and me

For the damage that was done

And the war that can’t be won

There’s no right and there’s no wrong

We hurt each other for too long

Our choices bring us to our knees

Until we set them free

I release all of my anger

All of my discontent

Because it will be the death of me

How you came and how you went

So tonight I set us free

I forgive both you and me

For the damage that was done

And the war that can’t be won

There’s no right and there’s no wrong

We hurt each other for too long

Our choices bring enormous fees

And knock us to our knees

It'll be the death of you and me

Until we are set free

Letting go comes with survivor's guilt... especially when you're the one who pulls the trigger on the relationship... I know I couldn't stay, but that doesn't mean that I don't wish things could have ended differently. I hope anyone reading this can relate... it's refreshing to be able to write again... Too bad it has to be under these circumstances... 

Not Alone

I want to scream, I want to cry

Take your place; give you life

It doesn’t matter, how I try

I don’t get the reason why

It’s not fair, it’s not right

You’re too young, for this fight

I’ll hold you close, through the night

Together we will find the light

Don’t give up, don’t let go

Baby, you are not alone

I am there through all your fears

I’ll take your hand and dry your tears

I’d give my breath for you to know

Baby, you are not alone

You’re feeling weak, I’ll be strong

We’ll beat this thing and carry on

The road is rough, the battle long

But listen to the words of this song

Don’t give up, don’t let go

Baby, you are not alone

I am there through all your fears

I’ll take your hand and dry your tears

I’d give my breath for you to know

Baby, you are not alone

Whether you’re 15, or 35

This darkness tries to take your life

But know I’m here, by your side

Cling to your faith, let your spirit fly

And don’t give up, don’t let go

Baby, you are not alone

I am here through all your fears

I’ll take your hand and dry your tears

I’d give my breath for you to know

Baby, you are not alone

I wrote this in a state of brokenness for a dear friend of mine with stage 4 cancer. I'm angry and bitter and broken... words can't describe enough how I feel... so I wrote it in a song.

Learn To Dance

I’m taking measure, taking stock

I’ve come so far, and learned a lot

A life spent chasing, on the run
Lessons learned, and damage done

Some things were easy, others hard

We’re ever learning who we are

Falling down, and bouncing back

The train keeps rolling down the track

So take some time, learn to dance

Find the “you” – you left to chance

Don’t let life just pass you by

Every now and then you need to try

To overlook the circumstance

And take some time to learn to dance

It’s a balance, it’s a struggle

So much on your plate to juggle

Where does the time seem to go

How I do it all, I seldom know

I guess the secret is to learn

Which candle needs to burn

What to hold, when to pass

Yeah this life goes by so fast

So take some time, learn to dance

Find the “you” – you left to chance

Don’t let this life slip away

Enjoy each moment of the day

Try to overlook the circumstance

Remember to stop and learn to dance

I’m taking measure, taking stock

I’ve come so far, and learned a lot

A life spent chasing, on the run
Lessons learned, and damage done

I need to stop and learn to dance

Find the “me” – I left to chance

Too much time has come and gone

I’ve been running far too long

I need to take a breath, take a glance

Take the time, and learn to dance

Learn to dance

It’s a balance, it’s a struggle

So much on my plate to juggle






How nice it is to sit down and breathe... To stop working so hard... stop trying so hard... stop looking so hard... but just sit down and breathe and enjoy how far I've come... to celebrate what I am and not worry about what I'm not... I hope you can relate!

Try To Love

War and destitution

Seems to be no solution

A father, a brother

A sister and a mother

War is never blameless

The blood is always shameless

The only answer I can think of

Is to try to love

Try to love one another

Take care of each other

Remember when you scream and fight

It’s better to be kind than right

When it seems you’ve had enough

Try to love

Try to love

Try to love

You see it on every channel

We’re all part of the latest scandals

Vindication for the so called brave

Leaves a widow’s children at the grave

No one understands the reason

There’s not much left to believe in

The only answer I can think of

Is to try to love

Try to love one another

Take care of each other

Remember when you scream and fight

It’s better to be kind than right

When it seems you’ve had enough

Try to love

Try to love

Try to love

We can choose to be the change

Be the answer on the range

When someone dies nobody wins

The cycle then begins again

Try to love one another

Take care of each other

Remember when you scream and fight

It’s better to be kind than right

When it seems you’ve had enough

Try to love

Try to love

Try to love

I wrote this song this morning because I needed something to be inspired by. As with most songs that I write, I just start, and then the song writes itself. Hope you can take something away from this as I have. 

Don't Give Up

I've had rocks thrown at my window
Been called every name that I know
But I am a fighter, I will never call it quits
So my wounded brother, let me tell you this:

Don't give up, love is waiting
I will hold your hand through all the hating
Don't give up, I am right here
And I will drive away your fears
So don't give up

You're hell-bound, that's what they'll tell you
But please don't let them sell you
Their ignorance is making them blind
And they don't see who you are inside

Don't give up, love is waiting
I will hold your hand through all the hating
Don't give up, I am right here
And I will drive away your fears
So don't give up

Please don't pull the trigger
Please don't don't make that leap
Love's arms are spreading open
Open up your wounded eyes and see

Don't give up, love is waiting
I will hold your hand through all the hating
Don't give up, I am right here
And I will drive away your fears
So don't give up


This is the first time I can remember tearing up at a song that I had written. This is dedicated to anyone who has ever felt different. You are loved. I know the journey is hard, but keep walking - it gets better; and love's arms are open wide - waiting for you to discover it. Don't give up.

Untitled

Was it my fault
Would he still be alive
If I had made the choice
To stand by his side

I shouldn't feel guilty
Still I can't help but wonder
Was I the nail in the coffin
Did I put him under

I'm sorry that I couldn't stay
And watch you walk out this way
I'm sorry that I'm not that strong
To take you off the road you were on
I'm not here to render wrong and right
Just know I'm thinking of you tonight

I didn't drive him to the bottle
But I couldn't make him put it down
And the lies behind his drunken breath
Shattered our world to the ground

I'm sorry that I couldn't stay
And watch you walk out this way
I'm sorry that I'm not that strong
To take you off the road you were on
I'm not here to render wrong and right
Just know I'm thinking of you tonight

Should I have stayed a little longer?
Should I have been a little stronger?
Even if I can somehow make amends
It doesn't change the way the story ends

I'm sorry that I couldn't stay
And watch you walk out this way
I'm sorry that I'm not that strong
To take you off the road you were on
I'm not here to render wrong and right
Just know I'm thinking of you tonight


This song is written for my ex, Danny, who passed away at the age of 28 due to alcoholism. You never really get past the questions that you ask yourself from time to time. Of course - time makes everything easier, but the questions still remain...