Exit 77

Take the I-5 North, exit seventy-seven

Follow state route 6 for a little while

You’ll eventually come to a one horse town

The length of which is only about a mile

.. ..

A couple hundred people and one bar

A post office, church, and a school

No bus, no train, no taxi cabs

We ran around like adolescent fools

.. ..

Life goes by fast, only thing it knows is change

I try to go back, but it’s never gonna be the same

It was my utopia, my earthly version of heaven

Along the I-5 North, exit seventy-seven

.. ..

Apples and blackberries, in our own back yard

Nobody in the world, can bake like a mother

Dad would make us sweat, and work like men

He always taught us boys how to treat one another

.. ..

I couldn’t wait to graduate from high school

Go out and and face the world on my own

Funny thing is, I spent ten years searching

For a way that I could find, to get back home

.. ..

Life goes by fast, only thing it knows is change

I try to go back, but it’s never gonna be the same

It was my utopia, my earthly version of heaven

Along the I-5 North, exit seventy-seven

.. ..

Life goes by fast, only thing it knows is change

I try to go back, but it’s never gonna be the same

It was my utopia, my earthly version of heaven

Along the I-5 North, exit seventy-seven

.. ..

Take the I-5 North, exit seventy-seven

Follow state route 6 for a little while

You’ll eventually come to a one horse town

The length of which is only about a mile

I almost burst into tears when I wrote this. Amy Grant taught me [and I also discovered] a lot about songwriting. She once said, "...[the song] has to relate to you, if it's going to relate to anyone else. If you can't relate to what you're writing, you're dead in the water right from the start." I have found this to be very true. This song represents where I came from, how I grew up, and the nostalgia that comes from leaving home. This will probably always be my favorite song of all time.

Stranger

You had your chance to make it happen

And for reasons unclear, you chose to pass

Well I hope you don’t think I’ll wait around

I’ll drop that dream like shattered glass

.. ..

When you see me on some crowded city street

You’ll frantically push to catch my eye

And maybe I will smile for a second or two

Then I will cross the street and walk on by

.. ..

I’ll be a stranger

I will be your used to be

I’ll be a stranger

And you will never have a piece of me

.. ..

You wonder what the hell you did to me

I really hope you’re smarter than you look

I’m not angry, I’m not mad or even upset

But the look on my face reads like a book

.. ..

I’ll be a stranger

Someone that you wish you could forget

I’ll be a stranger

To me, it’ll be as if we never even met

.. ..

You made me wait by the phone

Feeling so damn alone

Did you not think I’d get sick

Listening to the minutes tick

.. ..

I’ll be a stranger

So forget you ever saw my face

I’ll be a stranger

Leaving this God-forsaken place

.. ..

You will never see the danger

Of love that becomes a stranger

I love the subtle anguish of this song. I even write in one part, "I'm not angry, I'm not mad, or even upset..." It's truly a warning to wise up... if not, the future could look bleak. This song is dedicated to everyone who's ever been flaked on. =)

The Waiting

I close my eyes, I take a breath 

Man, I think I’m bored to death

Waiting for the next distraction

It’s been a long and painful road

And I may still have miles to go

Before I find some satisfaction

But in the waiting I have found

I got my feet on solid ground

I know what I want, no hesitating

In the waiting, I can see 

There’s a different side of me

I never would’ve found until the waiting

Some days I sit here and I dream

About what’s waiting there for me

Some kind of love that’s undiscovered

I’ve been to hell and back again

I feel like I can never win

If it’s not one thing, it’s another

But in the waiting I have found

I got my feet on solid ground

I know what I want, no hesitating

In the waiting, I can see 

There’s a different side of me

I never would’ve found until the waiting

I have never liked this part 

I like to know what's around the bend

It's driving me half insane

I wanna know how the story ends...

But in the waiting I have found

I got my feet on solid ground

I know what I want, no hesitating

In the waiting, I can see 

There’s a different side of me

I never would’ve found until the waiting

I wrote this song almost 2 years ago, and I was sitting back and looking at what I had written, I had to re-write the bridge. At the time, I was frustrated at being single, and I really wanted to move on to the next chapter in my life. A lot of life has gone by since then, and I have learned a few life lessons. I now know that it's okay to be in "...the waiting." There's a lot of growing and maturing that can only come through having lived - both through good times and bad. (Edited on May 23rd, 2012)

I Wish You Well

I could hate you and not blink twice

But all the hatred in the world could never suffice

I could curse you, wish you a life of pain

But if it happened I know I would only feel the same

No, hate is not the answer

Instead, it’s like cancer

.. ..

So I close my eyes, and I breathe in deep

And if I have to, I break down and I weep

The anger I throw will just come back on myself

Instead I close my eyes, and I wish you well

.. ..

I could bash you, talk shit to all of your friends

But it only makes me look worse in the end

I could ignore you, maybe lose you in my mind

But delaying grief gets that much harder with time

No, igorance won’t do

I’ve gotta stand up to you

.. ..

So I close my eyes, and I breathe in deep

And if I have to, I break down and I weep

The anger I throw will just come back on myself

Instead I close my eyes, and I wish you well

.. ..

I’m not saying I can’t be angry

No denying I’ve earned that right

But without me using the guns of love

There’s not a chance in hell of surviving this fight

.. ..

So I close my eyes, and I breathe in deep

And if I have to, I break down and I weep

The anger I throw will just come back on myself

Instead I close my eyes, and I wish you well

This song is extremely personal, and sometimes, you just have to let the lyrics speak for themselves. The only thing I will say is this: It takes a lot more energy to hate than it does to forgive and let go. :)

No Tomorrow

They say the eyes are the windows,

The passageways into your soul

So if you ever start to doubt me

Look into my eyes and you will know

.. ..

I wouldn’t take it all back

I wouldn’t do it all again

I wouldn’t change a thing

Because the story still would end

Loving you was worth the pain

And every second of the sorrow

You showed me what it’s like to love

Like there is no tomorrow

.. ..

No one decides what’s meant to be

Or is not supposed to last

The only thing that we can do

Is try not to duplicate the past

.. ..

I wouldn’t take it all back

I wouldn’t do it all again

I wouldn’t change a thing

Because the story still would end

Loving you was worth the pain

And every second of the sorrow

You showed me what it’s like to love

Like there is no tomorrow

.. ..

If you ever start to doubt me

Or even regret your life without me

The only thing consistent in this life is change

Baby, we all move on – nothing stays the same

.. ..

I wouldn’t take it all back

I wouldn’t do it all again

I wouldn’t change a thing

Because the story still would end

Loving you was worth the pain

And every second of the sorrow

You showed me what it’s like to love

Like there is no tomorrow

The greatest gift that someone can receive is knowing what it's like to love from the heart and to treat every moment we have as if it is our last moment. You never miss a real good thing until he says goodbye. You get sad for a bit, and then you move on; and when you look back, you realize that there were things that you learned that made you stronger, and wiser, and [hopefully] a better person.

Shoulda Been

Let me start by saying
I spent many nights praying
That you could be here
So I could hold you near

We almost made it, didn’t we
We almost had it, didn’t we
But Brandy laid it out
Reminding me
Almost never counts

I won’t waste my time thinking
About what shoulda been, shoulda been
I won’t lay here dreaming
About what coulda been, coulda been
I coulda made you love me
But you’re not the one for me
That’s not how the story’s meant to end
No use thinking, about what shoulda been

I used to count the days
Until I saw your face
Your smile lit up the dark
And filled the cracks in a broken heart

We almost made it, didn’t we
We almost had it, didn’t we
But Brandy laid it out
Reminding me
Almost never counts

I won’t waste my time thinking
About what shoulda been, shoulda been
I won’t lay here dreaming
About what coulda been, coulda been
I coulda made you love me
But you’re not the one for me
That’s not how the story’s meant to end
No use thinking, about what shoulda been

I spent so much time looking for something in your eyes
And I can’t even count the wishes that I sent up to the sky
But sometimes you know it’s just not meant to be
I tried as hard as I could but now I have to set it free

We almost made it, didn’t we
We almost had it, didn’t we
But Brandy laid it out
Reminding me
Almost never counts

I won’t waste my time thinking
About what shoulda been, shoulda been
I won’t lay here dreaming
About what coulda been, coulda been
I coulda made you love me
But you’re not the one for me
That’s not how the story’s meant to end
No use thinking, about what shoulda been
“…have you ever loved somebody so much, it makes you cry?” Yes, I have. He’s my best friend.

Every Mile A Memory

In the fall of 82, the leaves were turning gold
And on the wind, was the cry of a newborn son
The rain fell gently, on a hospital window sill
And the journey of my life, had just begun

The years flew as fast, as my daddy’s chevy truck
I moved out into the world, wet behind the ears
Hard headed and crazy, not unlike my dad
And it’s amazing I’m still here after all these years

For every winding of the road
For every fork in the path
There was always a choice to make
And as I sit here looking back
There have been many lessons learned
And the tears are mine to weep
There was a story for every road
And every mile a memory

I got kicked out of college, for being young and fast
But as I’m sure you know, I wasn’t quite fast enough
I partied like a rock star, and then I paid the cost
My children came along, and I found the gift of love

For every winding of the road
For every fork in the path
There was always a choice to make
And as I sit here looking back
There have been many lessons learned
And the tears are mine to weep
There was a story for every road
And every mile a memory

Now as we grow older, my folks are turning gray
I’m hopefully a little wiser, than I was years go
And I wouldn’t give all the money in the world
To take back the scars or what I’ve come to know

For every winding of the road
For every fork in the path
There was always a choice to make
And as I sit here looking back
There have been many lessons learned
And the tears are mine to weep
There was a story for every road
And every mile a memory
I wrote this for my birthday. To all the dear friends who crossed my path; the guys who were lucky enough to love me; and the ones who were dumb enough to let me go; and finally - my family - it's been a wild ride! Here's to the first 28 years, and to being healthy and wise in the next 28!

Sinking Ship

WRITTEN BY: Amanda Behan/Michael Ryan Fuller

I'm out of breath

I've screamed too much

And still it seems 

You're out of touch

I don't know what it is

You don't seem to be getting this

I wanna be in love 

But not with you

I don't wanna be alone

But I'll make it through

I'm someone different

No one can tell me who

What the hell's the cause

It must be you

Going round and round

You're here then not

I'm so confused

Don't know what I've got

And you cannot answer me

So why don't you set me free

I wanna be in love 

But not with you

I don't wanna be alone

But I'll make it through

I'm someone different

No one can tell me who

What the hell's the cause

It must be you

Please shut your mouth

Don't make a sound

I'm rearranging chairs

On a ship that's going down

I wanna be in love 

But not with you

I don't wanna be alone

But I'll make it through

I'm someone different

No one can tell me who

What the hell's the cause

It must be you

Amanda sent me these words and I had to think about them for a while. This was a really hard song to write. If you could read what she wrote me - it was clear she wanted to leave, but she was looking for a reason NOT TO... and she never found it. That hurts like hell... hope you can relate on some level... =)

Whenever You're Ready

What are these teardrops

That are falling at my door?

You tell me that you've had it

You can't take it anymore

 

Come in, have a cup of coffee

And stay for a little while

Did I tell you, by the way

That I really miss your smile

 

Whenever you're ready

You can let it all go

Whenever you're ready

Trust me you will know

No more smoke and mirrors

Just take it slow and steady

And I'll be here for you

Whenever you're ready

You tell me that you're sorry

Didn't mean to lose your cool

He took the rug from under you

Left you feeling like a fool

I've been in your shoes

And I know them all too well

It's a rough and rocky road

Feels like you've been to hell [but...]

Whenever you're ready

You can let it all go

Whenever you're ready

Trust me you will know

No more smoke and mirrors

Just take it slow and steady

And I'll be here for you

Whenever you're ready

Don't try to force it

It will happen on its own

There's beauty even in pain

And I'm here to let you know

Whenever you're ready

You can let it all go

Whenever you're ready

Trust me you will know

No more smoke and mirrors

Just take it slow and steady

And I'll be here for you

Whenever you're ready

This song actually surprised me, in that it took me quite a few days to finish. I wrote the first verse and chorus, and didn't know where to take the song. So, I put it down for almost 2 weeks, came back and found the inspiration to finish it. It's the first song that I didn't finish in a matter of minutes. I guess it's a metaphor for life. Things don't always happen at the snap of fingers like we want them to, but everything comes around in its own time. Hope you enjoy!

Bring Me Down

(Written by Amanda Behan and Michael Ryan Fuller)

In my dreams

I'm chasing after you

And I'm pretending

My dreams are comin' true

But I can't wake up

I thought it was a fantasy

I thought it was over

But this is really me

You lift me up

To bring me down

Does it make you smile

When I'm on the ground

This ride I'm on 

Goes round and round

And baby all you do

Is bring me down

I get dizzy

Try to stand up again

But you come around

And I'm gone with the wind

I let my dreams go

As yours all come true

And the only thing I have

Is myself hating you

You lift me up

To bring me down

Does it make you smile

When I'm on the ground

This ride I'm on 

Goes round and round

And baby all you do

Is bring me down

I can't do this anymore

Like it or not, I'm gone

My dreams are waiting

It's been too f**kin' long

You lifted me up

To bring me down

Did it make you smile

Me laying on the ground

This ride is over

I can't go another round

Cuz baby all you did

Was bring me down

I cannot take credit for writing this song. My friend Amanda sent me a few sentences that she had written, and after a few days, I sat down and tried to put them to lyrics. What I came up with resonated with me, and I'm hoping it will do the same with whoever's reading this. It's a very powerful and scary feeling to feel trapped - like there's no way out. Hopefully when you read this, you'll see you're not alone.

Breathe

There have been paths that I've chosen

And roads I've gone down

Choices I have made

Wouldn't make a father proud

There were things I never did

That people thought I should

But I'd like to believe

I always did the best I could

And at the end of the day

I keep breathing in

And breathing out

I take one step, then the next

That's what this life's about

And I know sometimes

I still make a mess

But I change what I can

And forgive all the rest

I no longer say I'm sorry

For the man behind the eyes

But the rules of cause and effect

Still come at quite a price

And at the end of the day

I keep breathing in

And breathing out

I take one step, then the next

That's what this life's about

And I know sometimes

I still make a mess

But I change what I can

And forgive all the rest

I can't change tomorrow

I can't change what's been

I just keep loving myself

And try to be a good best friend

And keep breathing in

And breathing out

I take one step, then the next

That's what this life's about

And there will be times

I'll still make a mess

But I change what I can

And forgive all the rest

I forgive all the rest

And forget all the rest

This song was one of my most personal songs I've written. I've tried recently to write songs that were really introspective, and not just about everyone around me. Shoot me a comment and let me know what you think!

Already Gone

I see you passing in the hallway

Reminds me of someone I know

But it's not you

It's not you

Not anymore

I see the smile on your lips

But I think it's just a show

It's not you 

No, it's not you

Not anymore

The you I used to know 

Would've pulled me close

Tell me I meant everything

But now you're just a ghost

Tell me that I'm dreaming

Tell me that I'm wrong

That you're not

That you're not

Already gone

Your face is in the picture frame

But the one who sleeps beside me

It's not you

No, it's not you

Not anymore

There's someone in the lazy boy

Watching David Letterman

But it's not you

It's not you

Not anymore

The you I used to know 

Would've pulled me close

Tell me I meant everything

But now you're just a ghost

Tell me that I'm dreaming

Tell me that I'm wrong

That you're not

That you're not

Already gone

I don't know who you are

I don't know what went wrong

I don't know what else to do

Am I too blind to move on

Are you already gone... 

[cuz] the you I used to know 

Would've pulled me close

Tell me I meant everything

But now you're just a ghost

Tell me that I'm dreaming

Tell me that I'm wrong

That you're not

That you're not

Already gone

Soldier's Song

I’m heading to the market

Got to get the shopping done

But it’s not much fun to me

When I’m making food for one

You tell me not to worry

This is what you have to do

You’re taking a stand

And I’m so proud of you

I know you're fighting for our freedom

And you're fighting for our rights

But baby, please remember

That I’m missing you tonight

So when you’re fighting for this country

You’re not out there on your own

There’s someone here who loves you

So baby, please come home

You send a letter now and then

And it always makes me smile

It takes away the loneliness

If only for a while

And when I hear the telephone

Ringing down the hall

I smile at the possibility

Of any news of you at all

I know you're fighting for our freedom

And you're fighting for our rights

But baby, please remember

That I’m missing you tonight

So when you’re fighting for this country

You’re not out there on your own

There’s someone here who loves you

So baby, please come home 

I don't wanna get that message

That you’re not coming home

I couldn’t bear to live without you

I’ll never make it on my own

So though you're fighting for our freedom

And you're fighting for our rights

Baby, please remember

That I’m missing you tonight

So when you’re fighting for this country

You’re not out there on your own

There’s someone here who loves you

So baby, please come home

I wrote this for a friend of mine who's thinking about joining the military. I'm so proud of you J.J. and just know that you have people who will be waiting for you that love you and and are praying for your safe return!!!

Hard Times

I know you’re hurting

And you don’t know why

It’s pouring down rain

From clear blue skies

Life is unpredictable

No rhyme or reason

Things are bound to change

Just like the seasons

Hard times come, and hard times go

And it’s only fair that you should know

Hard times are there for you to grow

Like good times, they come and go

They don’t stick around

And they don’t fight fair

It seems like they show up

Out of thin air

There’s no warning

You don’t see the signs
No writing on the wall

You're hit between the eyes

Hard times come, and hard times go

And it’s only fair that you should know

Hard times are there for you to grow

Like good times, they come and go

The sky opened up

On your sunny day

I know you’re hurting

And all I can say is

Hard times come, and hard times go

And it’s only fair that you should know

Hard times are there for you to grow

Like good times, they come and go

I love this song. I wanted to write something real, but at the same time, I didn't want it to be so deep, that you get dragged down by the message. It's written from the perspective of a friend who's "...been there." All you can do is take it one day at a time. Hard times don't last forever, and neither do the good times. Everything has a time and place, even pain.